My girlfriend dumped me... for a girl....

[Z]

Hehe, not really.

But it's always interesting when that happens. I was thinking about it (why, I don't know) while I was driving home from work. I thought to myself, if my girlfriend did leave me for someone else, would I be more pissed off if it was a girl than if it was a guy?

With a guy, you gotta think you just fucked up and she's either getting back at you or moving on.

With a girl, though, you can't help but wonder if you did something to 'turn' her (I know it is widely believed that you are born homosexual but you know what I mean) or something to just send her over that edge. In any case, it would certainly seem like a major slap to the face.

I can imagine girls being freaked out if their boyfriend's left them for another guy, too.

Or if you're gay and your partner leaves you and turns straight.

Etc.

So the question is...

If your significant other left you for someone else, would you rather that someone else be the same sex as you or the opposite sex as you? Why?

[Arainach]

Well, there's not much difference:

Guy: Go get my stuff back, hit the bar, and move on
Girl: Ask her to take pics, go get my stuff back, hit the bar, move on.

[Bloodcinder]

If your significant other leaves you for somebody the opposite gender as you, it's more like they've learned the error of their way by changing their recognized orientation. If they leave you for somebody of the same gender as you, it's more like they're trading in for a better model because you weren't adequate enough. Being a learning experience for your significant other is fine; being a regret is not.

Does that make sense? It's hard to word.

But I can also tell you that specifically speaking of men whose girlfriends leave them for other women, it's often (but not always) to make them jealous and really has nothing to do with being lesbians. This opinion is based on empirical examples that have established too predictable of a trend in my extended social circle.

[Z]

Well, there's not much difference:

Guy: Go get my stuff back, hit the bar, and move on
Girl: Ask her to take pics, go get my stuff back, hit the bar, move on.

Wow, you're an easy breakup, lol. You don't like the girl your with that much?

[Arainach]

I'm simply not a fan of dwelling on the past. Learn lessons, go on to the next thing.

....unless they invent time travel. Then all bets are off.

[Gio Takahashi]

I don't think either situation would be different. I'd probably have a more wtf moment if my girl went lesbian, but then again, she's bi, so it wouldn't make any different in that situation.

If my girl left me, I'd probably be depressed about it for a couple of weeks then move on and accept it. It depends on the situation.

[Z]

she's bi
Haha, mine, too. I guess that's kinda why I was originally thinking about it.

I dunno, though. If my girl broke up with me and went to a guy, at least I could go kick the guy's ass to get my frustration out but if she left me for a girl, then what? Just have to suck that shit up.

For that matter, if you've been with your girl for a while and she finally leaves you for a woman, would it be a reasonable assumption that you, as the guy, are apparently really feminine since she stuck with you for so long?

[Gio Takahashi]

probably. women sure knows how to change us.

[Bloodcinder]

For that matter, if you've been with your girl for a while and she finally leaves you for a woman, would it be a reasonable assumption that you, as the guy, are apparently really feminine since she stuck with you for so long?
No. The taste a bi person has for one gender doesn't necessarily reflect the taste in the other gender.

[Killer_Man_]

I have to agree with Ary on this one.

I am the same way save for the take pics thing. I'm just like meh *shrugs* and move on.

[Seegtease]

Haha, mine, too. I guess that's kinda why I was originally thinking about it.

I dunno, though. If my girl broke up with me and went to a guy, at least I could go kick the guy's ass to get my frustration out but if she left me for a girl, then what? Just have to suck that shit up.

For that matter, if you've been with your girl for a while and she finally leaves you for a woman, would it be a reasonable assumption that you, as the guy, are apparently really feminine since she stuck with you for so long?

Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to accept that you've been outdone by a girl than by a guy? When a girl beats you at something, it may feel shameful, but if it's a guy, it's an attack on pride.

[Frozen]

probably. women sure knows how to change us.
Thats because woman knows every thing about man and man knows nothing about woman.

[Z]

lol, maybe you don't know anything about women. I doubt every other guy here will admit to being clueless about women. I definitely don't consider myself clueless about them.

I'm simply not a fan of dwelling on the past. Learn lessons, go on to the next thing.
You can't really learn lessons if you just let a breakup happen, get drunk, and forget about it. It just seems like a waste of time if you're not in a relationship you're willing to emotionally invest in and/or fight for. I know if my current girlfriend ever left me because there was "someone else," I'd be pissed. I'd wonder what the hell I did to drive her away, what the hell he did that made him (or her, if she's leaving me for a girl) more appealing than me, and why she thought whatever the hell he (or she) had to offer was more valuable to her than all of our time together.

That's kinda why I asked if you just didn't like the girl you were with that much. If I didn't care about my girlfriend that much then, ya, all I'd need is a drink and a night's rest to get over it.

[Gio Takahashi]

Thats because woman knows every thing about man and man knows nothing about woman.

I highly doubt that. That statement was kinda made in a joke than seriousness. In seriousness, relations can change both people.

[tjkitsune]

This actually nearly happened to me once..

I was 16. Started dating my first girl at that time. She was niave.. And me with my wild imagination really tripped things up. She still to this day claims I was the one who "corrupted her." I guess it was all my teasing.. Karma is a bad thing for me.. Anyway, the tables turned and she became the tease, becoming this sex fiend and started letting herself flirt heavily and allow other guys...and girls... to touch her in ways only I was supposed to. One day, she just openly kissed one of her best friends in front of me, then proceeded to tell me how they 'experimented.' At first I thought it was hot, then when they started doing it more behind my back and I started hearing about it from others, and how she was also seen..touching other guys in ways she shouldn't, I knew there it was coming to the fact she was cheating on me.

After we broke up, she really went nuts.. I started hearing about her going to parties and getting involved with orgies with her best friend and giving drunk guys head.. And here's the kicker.. She NEVER would give me head, nor did we ever have sex, yet here she was, letting everyone else get a piece of her.. She eventually realized what she had become and started going to a therapist for her sex addiction, as she had really gotten out of control..

This is also what triggered my distast and any happy fantasies of seeing a girl I was dating with another girl..

[Bloodcinder]

Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to accept that you've been outdone by a girl than by a guy? When a girl beats you at something, it may feel shameful, but if it's a guy, it's an attack on pride.
Yeah, that's what I was saying. Being replaced by the opposite gender is less of an ego blow than by the same gender, because there's less in common with the replacement.

[Killer_Man_]

lol, maybe you don't know anything about women. I doubt every other guy here will admit to being clueless about women. I definitely don't consider myself clueless about them.


You can't really learn lessons if you just let a breakup happen, get drunk, and forget about it. It just seems like a waste of time if you're not in a relationship you're willing to emotionally invest in and/or fight for. I know if my current girlfriend ever left me because there was "someone else," I'd be pissed. I'd wonder what the hell I did to drive her away, what the hell he did that made him (or her, if she's leaving me for a girl) more appealing than me, and why she thought whatever the hell he (or she) had to offer was more valuable to her than all of our time together.

That's kinda why I asked if you just didn't like the girl you were with that much. If I didn't care about my girlfriend that much then, ya, all I'd need is a drink and a night's rest to get over it.

Yes, but Z, one can be hurt and still move on. ;) I know for the sheer fact with every break up I've ever had that yes I was hurt but I didn't bother to fight for it nor did I really care. I'm the one that thinks, "Oh she broke up with me? Yeah, it hurts but I aint going to let her hold me back."

That and if she already is with anther person, that means she doesn't care about you nor should you really fight someone who is already commited to someone else. Sure you may learn lessons or what went wrong but hey, there is always someone else more worthy of your time. ;)

[Arainach]

What KM said. It's not that I wouldn't hurt - it's that if she left me for someone else, it's clear she saw things in other people I lacked and thus there's no point fighting and trying to damage whatever they think they have. I'd rather just move on in my own direction. Of course I'll reflect on the specifics and wonder exactly what caused it, but I see no reason to suddenly become angry, moody, and reactive. It's a destructive cycle that I've seen played out many times and that I have no desire to participate in.

[Z]

Then I guess all I can really say is to do what works best for you. *shrugs*

I'm the one that thinks, "Oh she broke up with me? Yeah, it hurts but I aint going to let her hold me back."By your post, it seems like the actual idea is "Oh she broke up with me? Yeah, it hurts but easy, come easy go."

I just can't imagine giving up that easy, myself. It just seems, in my eyes, that if you're not willing to fight for a relationship, why get in it to begin with?

nor should you really fight someone who is already commited to someone elseThats where I don't understand your logic. The other guy DID fight for someone who was already committed to someone else (your girl was committed to you, wasn't she?). And now the other guy who actually fought for the relationship HAS your girl. And the advice I'm getting from you two is "Ah well. No point trying to get her back." Thats a motto of a lonely man.

[Seegtease]

Yeah, that's what I was saying. Being replaced by the opposite gender is less of an ego blow than by the same gender, because there's less in common with the replacement.

Mathematically speaking, if you men have qualities A, B, and C, and Women have qualities X, Y, and Z:

It's more frustrating to see that

X + Y + Z < (X+1) + (Y+1) + (Z+1)

Since you know they just have higher values in the same fields.

But on the other hand, seeing

X + Y + Z < A + B + C

Who knows the values? So whatever they have, you cannot compare to.

[Z]

The only thing you can't compare to is genitals and possibly breasts.

As far as personality is concerned, I don't think women are a whole different equation than men but I understand the concept you're trying to put out there and I can agree with that much, at least.

[Bloodcinder]

Blah blah blah.
Exactly.

Yeah, I actually analyzed it and you for reals made sense. Good use of inequalities.

[deathofcheese]

How on earth does dating and romance involve math? No, don't answer, I just want to bring up the point that somethings seemingly completely unrelated can indeed be related just like that.

There was this bitch of an English teacher at my high school whose husband left her for another man. One popular theory was that she took out her frustrations on all her classes, particularly the sophomore honors class. However, she was widely regarded (by students no less, both students that had her and students that didn't have her) as one of the best English teachers in the school district, second in our school to the AP English teacher (who's just plain awesome).

If my girl left me for another girl, I might be devastated, while at the same time pretty turned on. I might consider experimenting myself, although I'd probably just think she'd had a bi or homosexual streak in her to begin with and I didn't really change her, rather, he experience with me just brought it out and she felt like trying the other kind of dating for a while. But for the most part, I think I'd react like Ary said, ask for pictures, collect my stuff, hit the bar, move on.

[Z]

But for the most part, I think I'd react like Ary said, ask for pictures, collect my stuff, hit the bar, move on.

If it was just that she left for a girl, then ya, thats about all you can do. Like I said, "if she left me for a girl, then what? Just have to suck that shit up."

But what if it was a guy?

The thread question is, after all, which would be worse?

The reason I'm picking on ary/km a little is because they both said they'd react the same in both situations and it made little difference to them either way.

[deathofcheese]

I feel it'd be worse if she left for a guy, especially if she leaves for a particular guy. The only girlfriend I've ever had led me on to believe she was interested in me, then, when I asked her out, suddenly got very disinterested in me, before finally breaking up with me and eventually dating some freshman who always pissed me off and about whom I made my hatred vocal. Of course, it could be she only dated him because she knew it would be twisting the dagger she stabbed me with in breaking up with me, but whatever. I was completely over her in a week and that was that.

I think for men, their women leaving them for another man is worst because the man will see it as he's not good enough for them. The other man was competition and he obviously lost. To me, a woman leaving me for another woman would be hot, no matter what. I'd still be heartbroken (maybe), but always more turned on. What (straight) man wouldn't be turned on by that?

[Z]

Not all lesbians are hot.

http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/famecrawler/2007/12/23-End%20of%20Month/rosie-oterror.jpg

[Bloodcinder]

I know a straight guy who's not turned on by female same-sex relations.

[Killer_Man_]

Z, what I mean is. If she is already commited to a relationship and broke up with you with anther guy. That means either you fucked up or you aren't good enough for her... Or better yet, she isn't good enough for you.

If she wants to be a fucktard and do that to me, I'm going to look for someone who will respect me.

[Z]

And my point is, if you don't fight for your girl, someone else will and they will get her. Afterall, that's how a girl leaves you for another person to begin with, right? Some other guy is fighting for her and you aren't so you lose her.

Like I said, if you're not willing to keep your girl, why bother starting a romantic relationship with her to begin with?

[Bloodcinder]

Like I said, if you're not willing to keep your girl, why bother starting a romantic relationship with her to begin with?
General answer: easier sex.

[Killer_Man_]

Because, she should know better that she shouldn't be lead on anther guy? I only fight for relationships that are worth it. If she is commited to anther guy by the time she dumps me and instantly goes out with anther guy.

She is more of a whore to me.

LH: I'm anther guy who doesn't find any form of homosexual porn to be entertaining.

[Z]

General answer: easier sex.

That's not a romantic relationship. That's "dating a slut". ;)

[Bloodcinder]

That's not a romantic relationship. That's "dating a slut". ;)
Yeah. Since when is that not typical?

[Arainach]

And my point is, if you don't fight for your girl, someone else will and they will get her. Afterall, that's how a girl leaves you for another person to begin with, right? Some other guy is fighting for her and you aren't so you lose her.

Like I said, if you're not willing to keep your girl, why bother starting a romantic relationship with her to begin with?Now you're confusing two different things. Of COURSE I'll put forth an effort to maintain the relationship and 'win her over' while we're dating. But if she's to the point of having not only left me but getting into a relationship with someone else, it's no longer my right to be messing with things.

Besides...if she breaks up with me because of personal issues, we spend some time, and get back together, that's fine. If she leaves me spontaneously for someone else, the trust is gone and I don't want the relationship back.

[Gio Takahashi]

Shitmonkey. Wrong thread!

carry on!

[Z]

But if she's to the point of having not only left me but getting into a relationship with someone else, it's no longer my right to be messing with things.I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree because I can't imagine letting a guy steal my girl right out from under me and then politely respecting their boundaries as a new couple. It just sounds ludicrous to me.

I'm not even necessarily upset about your general position so much as I am with your general reaction. To say you'd just accept it, get your shit, have a drink, and be done with it... I dunno. If you're able to cut someone out just like that, how open were you in your relationship, anyway? How much meaning could your relationship really have if it could be dismissed so easily? And if it can be dismissed that easily, why even start it?

I'd have to beat the guy's ass or at least get in a few good swings, find out whether or not they've had sex, and if they hadn't, I'd try and figure out what the hell went wrong in the relationship and then see if there was something I could do to fix it. Just anything to try and repair the damage, you know? But accept it, get a drink and move on? Nah, fuck the doormat method.

[Killer_Man_]

I don't go to fist fights for such petty things such as girls. That sounds like something out of the highschool book.

I never had a -true- relationship thus being my experience is limited. And the common way to get through highschool bullshit is to just shrug your shoulders and try harder next time.

[Z]

I don't go to fist fights for such petty things such as girls.
Okay, I was wrong: THAT's the motto of a lonely man.

Petty things such as girls? I think (and this is not meant as an insult) that your inexperience is tainting your judgment. Just ask Zeit how many guys it would take to pull him off of me if I ever tried to make a move on his girl and then try to explain to him that fist fights are for high school. :rolleyes:

EDIT:

I never had a -true- relationship thus being my experience is limited I can sorta understand how you might think the way you think now, KM, considering that little reveletion and it definitely illustrates the kind of relationships that you would be willing to walk away from and I would agree, if the relationship is not a true relationship then it would most definitely be an easy thing to dismiss and be done with.

Now I'm kinda wondering if you, Ary, have ever been in what you would consider to be a true relationship. I'm not going to presume to know one way or the other but if you're in a similar boat that KM is then I can sorta understand your stance a little better given your prior experiences (relationships that might have been... well... less than they could have been) or lack thereof.
I just can't imagine going down without a fight in a relationship where you really do fully care for someone.

[deathofcheese]

To say you'd just accept it, get your shit, have a drink, and be done with it... I dunno. If you're able to cut someone out just like that, how open were you in your relationship, anyway? How much meaning could your relationship really have if it could be dismissed so easily? And if it can be dismissed that easily, why even start it?

That's the point of getting a drink. That's how to deal.

I guess if I found she was sleeping around behind my back or she dumped me for someone she liked before she met me, maybe I could be incensed enough to throw a few punches. But mostly I'd drink. Lots.

[Bloodcinder]

Just ask Zeit how many guys it would take to pull him off of me if I ever tried to make a move on his girl and then try to explain to him that fist fights are for high school.
I don't think you can use that example. He's married. Try tjkitsune or somebody else with "just" a girlfriend.

I certainly don't feel that the "doormat" method is realistic, even if you're not specifically the kind of person who would need to seek violence as a catharsis. I've been dumped... twice by the same person. I was miserable for a while. I had no opportunity to meet my replacements, but I certainly never conceded defeat to them. Now they're broken up and I have a chance at catching a third rebound. And you know what? It fulfills the biobehavioral imperative for dominance. Somehow, although I keep getting shoved off, I keep winning and having a chance at being the dominant suitor in the end.

How can you not try to win?

[Killer_Man_]

Because I feel at times that I am 'better' than the girl who dump me so why should I 'lower myself' to the 'game' when I go beyond and find someone who is 'completely new' and perhaps 'respects' me more.

Just for the sheer fact if there is something 'wrong' and or I am 'lacking' in areas of the 'relationship'. She should feel the need to 'talk' not go, 'oh look, I found anther guy who can help me get what I am missing, so I am going to dump him and go out with him right away.'

No, no, that is not how it works. Perhaps my inexperience has tainted me but if there is something that is MISSING OR WRONG WITH THE RELATIONSHIP. She should have the balls to step up to the plate and pitch it to me. I shouldn't have to go seeking out the stupid answers and help fix the relationship. If women want us manly men to be more 'soft, emotional or whatever blah blah blah.'

Then women should be able to come up to me and tell me, hey your not really fulfilling my needs, your not doing this, could you stop doing that? Yanno?

[Arainach]

Just for the sheer fact if there is something 'wrong' and or I am 'lacking' in areas of the 'relationship'. She should feel the need to 'talk' not go, 'oh look, I found anther guy who can help me get what I am missing, so I am going to dump him and go out with him right away.'This, right here, is my point in essence.

To Z: I've been in my current relationship for 20 months. To the day, actually. If it were to end, yes, I'd be substantially hurt. But I go back to my point before: If you just break up, we can talk, things can work. But leaving me for someone else without warning is a complete violation of my trust. Who's to say she wouldn't do it again. As such, at that point I consolidate my losses.

[Bloodcinder]

Perhaps my inexperience has tainted me but if there is something that is MISSING OR WRONG WITH THE RELATIONSHIP. She should have the balls to step up to the plate and pitch it to me. I shouldn't have to go seeking out the stupid answers and help fix the relationship. If women want us manly men to be more 'soft, emotional or whatever blah blah blah.' Then women should be able to come up to me and tell me, hey your not really fulfilling my needs, your not doing this, could you stop doing that? Yanno?
Your inexperience has tainted you. Certainly people should be able to share stuff like that, but in the real world it doesn't always happen. Relationships do take work: they don't merely happen. Sometimes you are required to seek out those stupid answers and fix the relationship. If you don't learn that, you won't ever have a serious partner. I'm not trying to be mean or belittle you, but that is the truth.

[Killer_Man_]

Yes but she should be putting the effort and work with talking to me. I hate to be assumed that THAT I HAVE TO SHOW INTEREST AND WORK for a relationship to work but she doesn't have to do anything.

In an equal relationship, she would be working with me just as much as me working with her. Which means open communication and all that fancy stuff.

[tjkitsune]

That's nothing more than an ideal relationship...

Sometimes there's a little hypocracy involved. If the girl thinks that something isn't working, she'll probably just tell you it's over, and that she's found someone else. End of discussion and she won't want to talk about it. Sometimes it's for the best. There's even times where there might not be anything 'wrong' per say in the relationship, it's just a matter that the other party involved feels that they can't see it working in the future and want to move on.

[Z]

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree
I really can't say much more without just repeating myself so... ^

[Seegtease]

I don't go to fist fights for such petty things such as girls. That sounds like something out of the highschool book.

If girls are such an unimportant factor in life, what's important? How could you even call them petty? The internet is petty. Video games are petty. Amusement parks are petty. A relationship with an emotional attachment and the possibilities of being with somebody else for the rest of your life is anything but petty. It's a lot closer to "the most important part of life" once you actually have that special somebody.

I don't think you can use that example. He's married. Try tjkitsune or somebody else with "just" a girlfriend.

Sure you could. I would have done the same before I was married. It would just take more guys now.

But leaving me for someone else without warning is a complete violation of my trust. Who's to say she wouldn't do it again. As such, at that point I consolidate my losses.

Truth. Same for cheating. If somebody is capable of those things, I don't feel it's worth the risk of recurrence to engage again.

In an equal relationship, she would be working with me just as much as me working with her. Which means open communication and all that fancy stuff.

This I agree with. Relationships take work. To last 50 years, they take a lot of work. There's no such thing as just letting it happen. If you just "let your garden happen" you'll have a field full of dead plants and weeds.

[Bloodcinder]

Sure you could. I would have done the same before I was married. It would just take more guys now.
Well I know that, but that doesn't change my point because such a disclaimer was not specified.

[Killer_Man_]

If girls are such an unimportant factor in life, what's important? How could you even call them petty? The internet is petty. Video games are petty. Amusement parks are petty. A relationship with an emotional attachment and the possibilities of being with somebody else for the rest of your life is anything but petty. It's a lot closer to "the most important part of life" once you actually have that special somebody.


I didn't mean that girls/women are petty, stupid or worthless. I am saying that, if she wants to dump me for some other guy without even TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT, then she is petty and not even worth my time. Especially if there is -nothing- wrong with the relationship then why the fuck would she want to dump me for some other guy?

[Bloodcinder]

If you get dumped, there is, by definition, something wrong with the relationship, even if she knows what it is and you don't and she won't tell you.

[Killer_Man_]

Which brings me to the next quote.

In an equal relationship, she would be working with me just as much as me working with her. Which means open communication and all that fancy stuff.

Tis what I said earlier.

Regardless, being dump or not. Either way, if she has no will to say it to me or even try to work it out. Then I just give up and move on.

There is no point of fist fights, word fights and etc. Waste of time, energy and emotions that could be better used on other things.

[Bloodcinder]

There's never gonna be an equal relationship. But I won't argue with you anymore on the matter.

[Killer_Man_]

I know, I set the bar so high on things. I should live in a fantasy world. Trust me, my friends all tell me that.