Random Joke Thread

[deathofcheese]

Do we have one of these already? I don't know, so I made it anyways.

In Jerusalem, a journalist heard about an old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long time. Having a slow news day, she decided to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was! She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.

"Hello, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall to pray?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between Christians, Jews and Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship."

"How do you feel after 60 years of praying for peace?"

"Like I'm talking to a fucking wall.?

There was an old man living in the path of a flood. A police cruiser showed up at his house to evacuate him, but he wouldn't go. "I've prayed to God my whole life," he said "and God will save me." So the police let him stay.

When the flood waters were up to the second story of his house, a police speedboat showed up to evacuate him. "I've prayed to God my whole life," he said "and God will save me." So the police let him stay.

When the flood waters were up to the eaves and he was sitting on the roof, a police helicopter showed up to evacuate him. "I've prayed to God my whole life," he said "and God will save me." So the police let him stay.

The flood waters kept rising until he was washed away and drowned.

When he got to the pearly gates, he loudly demanded to see God, so Saint Peter ushered him into the divine presence. The old man said, "I'm angry at you, God! I prayed to you for my whole life! Why didn't you save me from that flood?"

"I sent a police car, a speedboat and a helicopter," said God. "What the fuck were you expecting?"

A pirate hobbles into a bar, with a steering wheel apparently stuck in his pants. The bartender gives him a funny look and says "You know you've got a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?"

"Aye," said the pirate. "It's driving me nuts."

Guy driving a truck north through the S.F. Bay area stops for a beer. Bartender asks him, suspicion all over his face, what he does for a living. He answers, "I drive a truck." The barkeep relaxes and gets him a beer.

He asks, "What's with the question?" The bartender says, "Well, we got an awful geek infestation up here. Gotten so bad it's Open Season on geeks year round, now."

Driver finishes his beer and gets back on the road. An accident up ahead makes him put on the brakes, and his rig rocks a little sideways and comes down hard enough to pop the door open.

Boxes of computers tumble out the back of the truck, and brakes squeal madly as geek after geek jumps out of their cars and goes for the loot.

The driver remembers what the bartender said. He gets the shotgun out from behind the seat and starts shooting geeks. Boom! Boom! A CHP on a bike pulls up and yells at him to stop.

"But it's Open Season on geeks, officer!" he protests.

"Yeah, but you can't bait 'em!"

Know any good ones?

[Gio Takahashi]

I thought we had one of these. We should. Kudos for making one. (Karma++)

[deathofcheese]

OK, new rule: NO ONE may post in this thread unless EACH and EVERY last one of their posts contains a joke. I don't care if you have to google a joke or use a lame knock-knock joke every time you want to post, just so you can say, "HAHA THAT WUZ FUNIE I LIEK". You MUST post at least one joke with every post or your post will be deleted. (Admins/Mods: I'm going to need your help/cooperation to keep this rule. THAT MEANS YOU GIO!)

With that said:

A man died and went to heaven. As he was standing before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he noticed a huge wall of clocks behind St. Peter.

"Goodness! What are all those clocks for?" he said.

St. Peter looked up and said, "Oh those? Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has one. They advance one minute for every lie their owner tells.
See that one over there? That's Mother Theresa's clock. It still says 12:00 because she never told a lie in her life."

The man noticed a clock that said 12:02. "Whose clock is that?"

"That would be Abraham Lincoln's. His clock only moved two minutes, indicating that he only told two lies in his life."

The man had a sudden idea. "Where's [President Clinton's/President Bush's/Al Gore's/Hilary Clinton's] clock?"

"Jesus keeps it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan."

The first time I heard this joke, it was Bill Clinton whose clock was the punchline. Googling now (to get the jokes right), I see Bush most represented. Whatever, it's still funny.

[Gio Takahashi]

I hope you guys won't find a reason to spam the crap out of this thread.

Lastly if the joke makes me laugh, I'll karma++ you.

If it makes me [face/palm] and groan due to its stupidity, I will likely negative karma you

That said, here's a joke of the day that I found:

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur.
'Since you've been such a good man
and your motorcycles have changed the world,
your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.'

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,
' I want to hang out with God.'
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented,
'Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle? '
Arthur said, 'Yeah, that's me...'
God commented: 'Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?'
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, 'Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of Woman?'
God said, 'Ah, yes.'
'Well,' said Arthur, 'professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

'Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,' replied God, 'hold on.'

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

'Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,' God said to Arthur, 'But according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours'.

[Gerrymander]

Here's a couple short ones.

The first one works best when spoken.

So there's these two dead guys lying next to each other, and one of them says to the other {wait for laughter}


What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
-A bad golfer goes *whack* "Damn!", and a bad skydiver goes "Damn!" *whack*

[EndlessSky]

How do you stop a invading Polish army on horseback?

Turn off the carousel

[Gio Takahashi]

Got this from my email earlier today, I guess this will be my joke of the day:

A husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....
Unfortunately, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.


The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'


So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'


When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.


A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?'


'Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that,' the husband replied.


'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you... You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'


'Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'


'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.


'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said.


'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'


'And now,' the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?'


'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife..'


The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'


She mulled it over for a few moments and said, ‘You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'


'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are you and your husband?'


'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.


'NO SHIT.' He said, 'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?'

[deathofcheese]

From Urban Dictionary:

Bam to behold, a public bulletin board, built of both brilliance and barbarity by bastards with boners. This bastion, no mere bulwark of boredom, is a brutal barrage of blistering bullshit, barely benevolent... but behind the bigotry and boobs, beyond the bitter broadcasts of bragging buffoons: here be the body politic. A brotherhood of blasphemy, blessed with more balls than brains, battle the bland, the bogus, the benign. Bedlam? Bring it on. But I babble... better to be brief.

You may call us /b/.

Ok, here's a real joke:

A newly wed couple set off on their honeymoon in their new horse-drawn cart.

As they were traveling along, suddenly the horse stopped short and the husband and wife tumbled off into the mud. The husband helps his wife back up onto the cart, walks up to the horse, punches it in the face and says, "That's one." The husband climbs back up into the cart and they continue on.

Some time later, the horse suddenly stops short again. Again the husband and wife tumble into the mud. The husband gets his wife back into the cart, walks up the horse, punches it in the face and says, "That's two." He climbs back up into the cart and they continue on.

Some time later, the horse stops short a third time. Again the husband and wife tumble into the mud. The husband gets his wife back into the cart, walks up to the horse, takes out his gun and shoots it in the head. "That's three."

"What the hell did you do that for?" his wife exclaims. "Are you some kind of idiot? We're out in the middle of nowhere and now we have no horse!"

The man calmly walks up to his wife, slaps her, and says, "That's one."

[Gio Takahashi]

Click here to see full text

A married couple is lying in bed one night.
The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.
As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special bits.
He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.
The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, gets up and starts stripping in front of him.
The husband is confused and asks, Why are you taking off your clothes?
His wife replies, You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay.
The husband says, No, not at all.
His wife asks angrily, Well, what the hell were you doing then?
I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.

Hey I didn't make it up but it sure made me groan when I saw it

[Killer_Man_]

<_<; (It's all I can say.)

[deathofcheese]

Ha ha, that's a good one.

KM FAILS BECAUSE HE DIDN'T POST A JOKE.

What's the difference between a stock broker and a pigeon?

A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Ferrari.

[Gio Takahashi]

hahahahaahaa.

Normally I would post one joke a day, but I came across this one:

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said,

Click here to see full text

"There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

[Gio Takahashi]

Another joke of the day:

A drunken man staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing.

The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.

The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.

Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."

and a groaner of the day:

Click here to see full text

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains
and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.

"I'm lookin' for the meanest, toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender.

"We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers.

He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled,
"I'm looking for the meanest, roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon."

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, You found her!"
Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.

"How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner.

"I don't replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to
open those beers first."

[deathofcheese]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that -
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!'

[Gio Takahashi]

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage.
Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Karen says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replies: "Mom! I have someone for you to meet.
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks,
he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills.

Their first night there, she undresses as he does.
There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties,he in his birthday suit.
Looking at her he asks: "Why the black panties?"

She replies: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning.

" He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario.
She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit ... Except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks: "What's with this ... A black condom?"

He replies: "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

[Z]

I don't know where else to put this and I don't think it deserves it's own thread but I just went to Dictionary.com to look up a word and use the thesaurus (they are linked to Thesaurus.com) only I accidentally typed in http://www.dictionry.com/ (I left out the A) and it took me took an English as a Second Language site. Made me lawl.

[deathofcheese]

Got this in my email today from my dad:
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the family , so call me the President. Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

[deathofcheese]

I guess I can put this here:

link

GM: OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?

OBAMA: I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.

MCCAIN: OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.

OBAMA: Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...

MCCAIN: Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.

OBAMA: Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty "Matterhorn, son of Marathon" shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?

MCCAIN: Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.

OBAMA: "My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one."

MCCAIN: Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.

OBAMA: OH NO YOU DIDN'T.

MCCAIN: Whatever, so's your mom.

OBAMA: So's your FACE.

MCCAIN: So's your Mom's face!

HILARY: WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?

MCCAIN: Hilary, we've been over this.

HILARY: No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer. Seriously, I can't even use a sword. Fuck this noise.

KUCINICH: IM A BARD

OBAMA: That's nice.

KUCINICH: MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD

MCCAIN: Oh, Jesus. Here we go.

KUCINICH: DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20 CHARISMA

HILARY: C'mon you guys, I've been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade. Why can't I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?

MCCAIN: Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.

OBAMA: Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.

HILARY: SCREW YOU, Grandpa. I will so kick your ass.

MCCAIN: Yeah? Bring it! I didn't spend 3 years in the Abyss with Githzerai hooking my nads up to a car battery to get beat by some Wellesley girl.

HILARY: WHATEVER, you can't even lift your arms over your head.

RON PAUL: I brought my Planescape character!

OBAMA: Dude, we're playing Forgotten Realms.

RON PAUL: I rift in from Sigil! I'm a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!

MCCAIN: DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.

RON PAUL: Ronpaul the Barbarian say: suck it! Guns and abortions and weed for everyone! WHEEE!

PALIN: Hi folks! Sorry I'm late! I brought caribou burgers.

HILARY: Who the HELL is this?

MCCAIN: It's cool, she's with me.

HILARY: No! No, it's not cool! Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!

MCCAIN: Now, that is patently untrue.

BIDEN: He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.

MCCAIN: DUDE. SHUT UP.

GM: You guys, seriously, if you don't knock it off with the bickering I'm going to start docking XP.

MCCAIN: You know what? Fuck it. I'm suspending the campaign.

GM: You can't do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn't suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I'm not going to suspend it now.

KUCINICH: YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP

MCCAIN: Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don't even count.

KUCINICH: YOU GUYS ARE DICKS

BIDEN: Where are the Cheetos?

RON PAUL: Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?

GM: You find Mitt's lifeless, drained corpse has been stuffed in the broom closet.

HILARY: Oh, God DAMMIT.

MCAIN: Not ok! NOT OK!

OBAMA: What, I didn't even get a detect evil roll for that one?

HILARY: I TOLD you she was a succubus, but did anyone listen? Oohhhhh no, Hilary's just jealous of the beauty queen.

RON PAUL: Pretty Lady screw Mitt lifeless. Ronpaul SMASH!!

MCCAIN: Would you please go light up a spliff and stay out of this? The grown ups are talking.

RON PAUL: Why pretty lady suck life out of Mitt and not Ronpaul? Not fair!

HILARY: I mean, never mind that I'm the one with 17 Wisdom, but does anyone listen to the girl? Noooooo.

RON PAUL: Also Mitt have stupid name. Who name kid after baseball equipment?

KUCINICH: HAY YOU GUYS CHECK OUT MY HEAD OF VECNA TRICK

HILARY: This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM.

GM: You know what? Forget it. Rocks fall, everyone dies.

OBAMA: Screw you guys. I'm going to go play Bunnies and Burrows at Jon Stewart's house.

HILARY: Me too.

MCCAIN: Me too.

KUCINICH: GAZEBO!

Additionally, does anyone still have the Macademia! Gazebo? Bulbous Buffon!(?) video?

[Gio Takahashi]

I lawl'd very hard.

Oh and incidentally:

KUCINICH: IM A BARD

People would be whistling a very different tune in FFXI.

[deathofcheese]

THAT WASN'T A JOKE, GIO.

THIS IS ONE. TAKE NOTE:

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon her pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease.

"Do you know, I haven't had the flu all winter!"

[Gio Takahashi]

Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night...
...the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.

"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock" the drunk replied.

A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend.

"Yup" replied the drunk.

"How's it work?" the second guest asked, squinting at it.

"Watch" the man said. He picked up a hammer, gave it an ear shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.

Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, " For Christ sake, it's ten past three in the morning!"

[Arainach]

What do you get when you cross a goat and a pig?

(goat)(pig)(sin(theta))

What about a pig and a mountain goat?

You can't do that, a mountain goat is a scaler.

[Bloodcinder]

The second joke requires the first to know you're in math mode, but it's definitely funnier.

[Gerrymander]

These are jokes. They are sad. You will not laugh.

-

Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk again.

-

Policeman: Knock, knock.
Woman: Who's there?
Policeman: The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed.

-

There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. They are all trapped in a jail cell.
Eventually they all starved to death.

-

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To escape the Nazis.

-

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

-

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

-

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A manx cat.

-

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

-

How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.

-

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

-

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: "Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house."
The other man replies: "Yes, she has become a prostitue to subsidise her drug habit."

-

Did you hear about the Irishman found under a shop?
Yes, he was killed and buried there. It was gang-related.

-

Man: What a beautiful dog. Does he bite?
Dog-owner: No.
Man: Can I pet him?
Dog-owner: No, he has a form of eczema that makes his skin weep if touched.

-

How can you tell when an southern girl wants sex?
She displays signs of arousal, such as enlargement of the clitoris and swelling of the labia.

-

What's the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.

-

What do you get if you cross a horse and a donkey?
A mule.

-

A priest and a rabbi are sitting next to each other on a plane.
However, it is a short flight and they do not talk to each other.

-

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
You call him an ambulance. He may have fractured his skull.

[Seegtease]

I didn't laugh at first, but as I continued reading, the laughter also increased.

What's the difference between a rottwieller and a poodle?
There are many differences. They are two totally different breeds of dog.

I've wanted to use variants of this answer for so many jokes.